Mary Jo Kopechne’s watery grave: requiescat in pace.

Teddy's Car

(Martha’s Libtard, MA) Speaker of the House Nates Pilosae (D-Fistula) announced today she would rally liberal support for the flagging ObamaCare bill by renaming it the Senator Kennedy Really Enjoyed Women Undressing, or SKREWU, Act. Asked if this means any substantive changes, Pilosae said: “Well, we’re planning to make the reproductive health care stuff a stand-alone bill. The mother’s, I mean. To be fair, cranial puncture and suction doesn’t necessarily meet everybody’s definition of health care for babies.”

As some in the audience shifted in their seats, Pilosae continued: “The stand-alone bill, which we’re calling the Ted Kennedy Inconvenient Duty to Rescue Act, dispenses with all that partial-birth stuff our base is so keen on. Instead, unwanted children will be allowed to be born but then plied with booze and drugs, strapped into an Oldsmobile, and driven off a bridge into a pond. Then left to swim for themselves. All taxpayer-funded, of course. We think Sen. Kennedy would be proud.”

— Sue Denham

In a more literal vein, via ABC News:

Americans were horrified when they learned that rescue workers found [Mary Jo Kopechne’s] body in the well of the back seat with her head held up, perhaps indicating that she had been alive for some time breathing in an air pocket.

No comment.

It may be that Edward Kennedy will find mercy in the other world, a good defense before the dread judgment seat of Christ, in the ancient formulation. Maybe not. It’s not for us still on this side of the veil to say. But what we can say, is that pretty young staffers, unborn children, our republican forms of government, and whiskey distilleries everywhere will sleep better tonight.  Or as my tart-tongued friend Peona de Fleur said yesterday: “My mother always said to say something good about the dead.  Ted Kennedy’s dead.  Good.”

fat-ted-kennedy

A bit jaggy but genuine I believe: a rare Hibernian walrus, Ebriosus cacatus, disoriented with drink and drugs, beaches itself on Martha’s Vineyard.

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I vigorously dispute Rusty DePass: In no way does the First Dragqueen resemble an ape!  On the contrary — she’s a garden-variety butt-ugly human being.

michelle_obama

Ah secular lefties, always good for a laugh; you never ululate louder than when somebody like Rusty DePass dares apply one of YOUR dogmas. Isn’t it an article of your childlike Darwinist faith — touchingly unshakable when confronted with the total absence of transitional species in the fossil record — that all humans descend from apes? Then why is it insulting to joke a gorilla is Miss Hell’s ancestor? DePass is only practicing what you preach — and you strain at this gnat but swallow Barack Obama camels like “white folks’ greed runs a world in need.”

There are however other perfectly good reasons for the thoughtful theist to bristle at Mr DePass’ little Darwinist home truth, or falsity I should say.  His controversial metaphor not only degrades human beings, created in the image and likeness of the Divine Being, but simians too.  How dare he compare this rangy transvestite, with that face that could stop a clock, to one of the great apes?  What have gorillas ever done to merit comparison to Miss Hell — angry chest-thumping and enraged shit-flinging during the rut aside, that is?

I mean, really!  No gorilla I’VE ever met is a race baiter, affirmative-actioned into Princeton but still seething with anti-white resentments — though she seems happy to spend quite a lot of white taxpayer money on her full-time make-up lackey (I do concede that, being a six-foot man, Miss Hell requires a great deal of paint to pass as even an ugly woman).  No gorilla I’VE ever met pretends teenaged sluts and their petty-thieving babydaddies enjoy a Constitutional right to taxpayer-funded uterine infanticide — ideally, per the lesbian feminist witches who cackle and chant round the sacrificial chair, via skull puncture and suction of the unborn but quite sentient child’s brain (partial-birth abortion, for those unfamiliar with the procedure’s stomach-turning cruelty).  Nor has any gorilla I’ve ever known had the temerity to vest itself in a purple rayon housedress from Sears and go clumping into the Capitol of the United States swollen with pride like some great bourgeois grape — for having achieved what?

big-fat-grape1

For all of these reasons then, I request, no, I DEMAND that Rusty DePass and everyone else who dares exercise First Amendment freedoms in private (the dirty bastards!) publicly apologize for comparing Miss Hell Obomber to a gorilla.  And then perhaps in time — just perhaps — the gorillas will forgive them.