August 27, 2009
Mary Jo Kopechne’s watery grave: requiescat in pace.
(Martha’s Libtard, MA) Speaker of the House Nates Pilosae (D-Fistula) announced today she would rally liberal support for the flagging ObamaCare bill by renaming it the Senator Kennedy Really Enjoyed Women Undressing, or SKREWU, Act. Asked if this means any substantive changes, Pilosae said: “Well, we’re planning to make the reproductive health care stuff a stand-alone bill. The mother’s, I mean. To be fair, cranial puncture and suction doesn’t necessarily meet everybody’s definition of health care for babies.”
As some in the audience shifted in their seats, Pilosae continued: “The stand-alone bill, which we’re calling the Ted Kennedy Inconvenient Duty to Rescue Act, dispenses with all that partial-birth stuff our base is so keen on. Instead, unwanted children will be allowed to be born but then plied with booze and drugs, strapped into an Oldsmobile, and driven off a bridge into a pond. Then left to swim for themselves. All taxpayer-funded, of course. We think Sen. Kennedy would be proud.”
— Sue Denham
Americans were horrified when they learned that rescue workers found [Mary Jo Kopechne’s] body in the well of the back seat with her head held up, perhaps indicating that she had been alive for some time breathing in an air pocket.
It may be that Edward Kennedy will find mercy in the other world, a good defense before the dread judgment seat of Christ, in the ancient formulation. Maybe not. It’s not for us still on this side of the veil to say. But what we can say, is that pretty young staffers, unborn children, our republican forms of government, and whiskey distilleries everywhere will sleep better tonight. Or as my tart-tongued friend Peona de Fleur said yesterday: “My mother always said to say something good about the dead. Ted Kennedy’s dead. Good.”
A bit jaggy but genuine I believe: a rare Hibernian walrus, Ebriosus cacatus, disoriented with drink and drugs, beaches itself on Martha’s Vineyard.
December 18, 2008
Subaru (SOO-bah-roo)(n.). (1) Metal casing for a douchebag. (2) Preferred foreign car of lesbian schoolmarms, Sierra Club yippies and other anti-American bores.
Bourgie brat of Marin malingerers, madrassah-mentored, and the malingerers themselves appeal to Pres. Bush to let the Littlest Jihadi out of prison early — in the spirit of mercy of the Christmas season! Er, um, WHY exactly are the tender flower of Bay leftism and his enablers appealing to mercy in the season of Christ’s Nativity? I mean, they hate Him after all — the religion Johnny brandished arms to impose on the world flatly denies the Incarnation, and the Dhimmicrats who bred him spend all their time, when not zooming “zombie-like at the wheels of their BMWs” to and fro the counting houses of San Fran, filing suit to tear down courthouse Crèches (gotta make room for those Code Pink witches’ sabbaths).
Here I can’t do better than recall Mark Twain’s incisive portrait of the wailers and gnashers of teeth who always blame the victim and pity the perp. From chapter 33 of Tom Sawyer:
This funeral stopped the further growth of one thing — the petition to the governor for Injun Joe’s pardon. The petition had been largely signed; many tearful and eloquent meetings had been held, and a committee of sappy women been appointed to go in deep mourning and wail around the governor, and implore him to be a merciful ass and trample his duty under foot. Injun Joe was believed to have killed five citizens of the village, but what of that? If he had been Satan himself there would have been plenty of weaklings ready to scribble their names to a pardon-petition, and drip a tear on it from their permanently impaired and leaky water-works.