GOP Judas: or, How to turn a coat in three easy steps.

October 17, 2008

Fair-weather douchebag.

As various MSM polls in the last two weeks, conveniently loaded with more Democrats than Republicans, seemed to show McCain/Palin down by a large margin, your faithful servant has been amused — and disgusted — to see a rustling pack of “conservative” journalists throw principles overboard and, tripping over their tails in their haste, try to flee the sinking McCain/Palin ship.  (It’s now apparent that McCain/Palin is actually buoying up big-time, per the latest polling, but more on that shortly.)

It’s a ratty rogues’ gallery of time-servers, temporizers and prosy tools: Christopher Buckley, now formerly of National Review; David Brooks of the New York Times (the nose-picker pictured above), Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journal, Rod Dreher of the Dallas Morning News, to name just four.  Bitten by a gnawing lust for a seat at the table in the imminent Obama new order, these sharp-toothed little Rattus republicanus have turned squeaking to bite a chunk from the hand that feeds them (for each name I’ve just named, the feeding, or payment for feed, is literally true).

And what an infernal din of squeaks it’s been, too!  We’ve witnessed the unseemly spectacle of hypocrite, heavy-lidded mandarins filing giggly man-crush columns with National Review: Obama “a first-class temperament and a first-class intellect” (he is neither), for which Bill Buckley’s old journal, to stop the old boy spinning in his grave, promptly fired his quisling brat.

But it hasn’t just been Cwis Buckwey dancing in front of the barbarian army like some dopey Ten Commandments extra, strewing rose petals before the conquering hero.  (An image that’s doubly funny because, I mean, try to imagine Obama wielding anything more lethal than a fingernail file!  Which, of course, the brave slanderer of our fighting men in Afghanistan would only use to pick on someone smaller than his own size: yes, he’d doubtless brandish it at the defenseless babies who survive doctor-assisted infanticide in Illinois.)

No, there are even fouler toads burrowed into the MSM muck who’ve been sticking a knife in the back of McCain/Palin when it seemed opportune.  The toads in question are, believe it or not, further down the scale of life even than Cwis Buckwey, dutifully polishing his Mulatto Messiah’s fundament with tongue-brush.  There are some backbiting Grub Street dogs — mostly neo-conservatives, and what a joke that, as if men with City College Leninists for fathers could be trusted to love America — who’ve found that the MSM will dish out a horse’s hoof or two if they sharpen their tongues against McCain or Palin personally, over and above merely laving Obama’s backside.

One toad in particular has descended to the occasion: the fetid, cross-eyed finger-drummer David Brooks, now mildly infamous for his outpouring of calumny and trash on Sarah Palin (the adipose sweater called her a “cancer” in the Republican party at some dull Atlantic panel, where he inhaled big plates of the free lunch between betrayings).  On his NewsHour with Jim Lehrer segments, Brooks’ sweaty, seat-squirming twitchiness suggests a schizophrenic just barely keeping it together — or should we infer that the obviously well-fed Brooks has just fouled, or is about to, his small-clothes?  In Brooks’ case, one should perhaps feels pity since his daily bread, in the form of those disjoint, constipated columns he squeezes out for the New York Slimes, may very well depend on hailing the conquering Obamatard hero.

Still, just ’cause Judas may have actually needed those30 pieces of silver to make his condo payment, doesn’t mean I can’t despise him for it.  Unlike the man who betrayed Christ, however, we’ll probably wait in vain for the loathsome Brooks to develop enough decency to step outside and hang himself, and in any case if he were to “burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out” the pile-up might block traffic on Columbus Avenue for hours.

David Brooks in his natural environment.

The perspiring amphibian Brooks and his knives in the back are, however, nothing new to the skeptical student of human nature.  Veterinarians report that there are tapeworms more loyal to the horse’s intestines, than Brooks to benefactors — but he’s just the latest and smallest worm in a long line of them.  Yes, Booger Dave is what the Roman historian Velleius Paterculus memorably called the late Republican consul Plancus, a morbo proditor — a “chronic traitor,” or possibly “a betrayer by reason of congenital defect.”  The whole history of the late Roman republic, in fact, is more than a little in my mind these days, with its glum tale of all those Romans, low and high, who betrayed family, rank and even nation to help install the rabble-rousing upstart Octavian in supreme power as Augustus Caesar — thinking they’d be thrown a bone in the new order.  Trying to do my bit to satirize and condemn the David Brooks and Cwis Buckweys, the chronic traitors of 2008, I can’t do better than quote the great historian Sir Ronald Syme on the end of the Roman republic:

Superfluous the effort either to arraign or to rehabilitate the robust careerists who helped to found the monarchy.  Like violence, guile and treachery prospered.  Q. Dellius, proverbial for agility, deserted every side at the right moment… Plancus could smile at the impotent envy of his detractors and the ignoble appellation of a chronic traitor — “morbo proditor.”  Fools or fanatics perished along with lost causes: the traitors and time-servers survived, earning the gratitude of the Roman people. (The Roman Revolution, 511-12)

Quite.  But now, lo and behold!  It seems that Booger Brooks, Cwis Buckwey, Mad Meg Noonan and Rod BeDreher may have sharpened their knives a moment too soon!  You can visit Real Clear Politics or Gallup or any of the other poll sites — or better yet, visit Drudge because his headlines get right to the point and aren’t varnished with pro-Obama frosting.  Or simply visit Gateway Pundit’s tasty, succinct summary of the new polling situation following McCain’s smackdown of Miss Priss in the last debate on Wednesday.  It seems that McCain/Palin is now buoying up big-time in the latest polling — and the opportunist Obama flatterers, who formerly got away with calling themselves conservatives, are left hoist on their own petard, their tiny, tiny generative parts flapping in the breeze.  And I for one can’t get enough of it!  More egg for their faces!

As Dick Morris and a few other stone-cold steel-trap analysts have been saying for days, Obama’s polling almost certainly peaked last week, and will probably continue to bleed a point or so every three days from now until the election, as all the dippy sheeple who liked the way it felt when the ObaMessiah tickled their ears — much like the idiot who kept hitting himself on the head with a hammer, because he liked how it felt when he stopped — gulp and get bug-eyed and feel the shakes of buyer’s remorse at the thought of actually, for real, putting this far-Left amateur in the White House.  And not a moment too soon.

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